Motherhood

Baby shopping simplified

shopping for your baby

As new parents awaiting your baby’s arrival, it can be a very nerve-wracking experience with all the medical aspects and decisions surrounding the birth itself.  That should be all you have to worry about…but it isn’t… now it’s time to hit those mega baby stores and embrace your little bundle of  joy with lots and lots of stuff!

The amount of manufactured products around the whole baby business is so overwhelming, it can make your head spin.  I walked in and out of  a mega-baby product store four times before I bought anything.  The amount of choices alone paralyzed my decision making process.  Add to that  being pregnant with “baby-brain”.  I felt extremely overwhelmed.   Finally on our fourth trip, we bought a bathtub.  My husband had such a headache from the noise and lack of oxygen in those places I promised him we would do the rest online!  Soon,we became masters at finding great baby products online with free shipping!  A simple Google search along with the keyword free shipping will save you time, money and headaches.  There are also many sites that offer free coupons to most if not all baby product companies.

At a very personal and special time in one’s life, it is normal to feel overwhelmed by all this materialism.  As the due date was approaches, you are suddenly thrust into a world of shopping that you probably never new existed.  Sometimes there are certain feelings of guilt in not being overjoyed by the shopping experience.  Fortunately,  you are  not the only one who might feel this way.

Bouncers, Swings, Exer-saucers, activity play mats and on and on.  Here’s an important thing to consider: most of it is outgrown in 6 months and you are on to the next stage (with other stuff).  If you have a very active baby they won’t like to be contained in a lot of it for very long anyway.  We received a swing from our neighbor whose daughter never liked it and never used it.  It cost them $100.00.  Our daughter would enjoy it for about 15 minutes which helped us have a meal together in those early months.

So how do you get through this daunting task of decision-making and trips to the mega baby stores:  Simplify.  Go back to your sense and your choice.  Decide what YOU are going for, instead of what is available or recommended.  Before you purchase a product, think in terms of practicality and efficiency.  Research products online and read customer reviews from a variety of sources. We live in NYC where space is very limited and we knew I would be taking public transportation a lot, so we went for portability and  stealth with a reasonable price.  Almost everything we bought came with free shipping.  We went for subdued or natural colors for the larger items because when you put some much stuff in a small space that is brightly colored it can look very cluttered.  We new our daughter would get color stimulation through her toys and her environment.

If you are practicing attachment parenting, it’s really important to use a baby wearer instead of constantly placing the baby in some inanimate object for most of the day.  There have been many studies that show that their brains develop better with frequent touch.  The constant proximity to your heartbeat, your warm body and the sound of your voice is so soothing and comforting to them.  Our favorite is the Ergo Baby carrier since it distributes the baby’s weight evenly on the parent’s hips and shoulders as opposed to the shoulders only.

So, next time you find yourself lost and confused while shopping for your baby, remember there are sensible alternatives.  It’s a special time in your life that should not be overshadowed by the pressures of mass consumption.

Co-sleeping and making the right decision

Nothing brings up more controversial feelings and debate in parenting than the topic of how we sleep with our baby.  As a friend of mine puts it, “it is the lightening rod topic.”  What I find so incredible about this subject and many things about parenting in general is how invasive people can be when discussing it.  Maybe it stems from some deep-seeded tribal wisdom or consciousness that we are not attached to anymore.  A way of protecting the young.   The amount of advice offered so freely is amazing and can make even the most outspoken person’s head spin!

There have been many great and well informed articles written on the whole topic of co-sleeping and I encourage you to read the experts’ perspective on each side.  Listen and notice how you feel while you are reading their words and make a sensible choice for yourself.  This is important before you disclose your decision to relatives or even close friends so you know how you feel about it.  It is always helpful to have some expert advice backing you up when dealing with others’ opinions on what you should be doing with your child.

Once you give yourself permission to do what you feel is best, be strong in your convictions.  Try to be flexible when you need to be, of course, because  there are no absolutes.  Each family, parent and child are so different.  Remember we are individuals in a collective experience.

Many people like and swear by the Ferber method and other “Cry it out” methods.  I have a friend whose son cried once or twice while she was trying the Ferber Method and since then she simply puts him in his bed and he falls asleep on his own.  Each system must have its own merit otherwise why would they be around and used by so many different people?  A pediatrician I know uses what she calls a “modified” Ferber method in which she uses some of his techniques, but not all.  It seems reasonable to custom tailor a method to fit your and your child’s needs.  It’s a personal choice and should remain so.

In most of the world, however, co-sleeping is the norm.  There are statistics that show how there is very little colic in babies outside the western culture.  Co-sleeping also helps to support prolonged breastfeeding.  The World Health Organization recommends breast-feeding for the first two years of life.  I notice that my baby opens her eyes to see if I am there then falls back asleep.  Babies know instinctively that  they are vulnerable and they must feel safer when we are present.  Feeling safe helps them sleep better, and as a result we sleep better.  When we are pregnant, especially the last month we wake up constantly to go to the bathroom.  Perhaps this is nature’s way of training us to be aware when we are asleep!  This trains us to wake up constantly to tend to our newborn.

Personally, I get better sleep because I know the temperature in the room and I know she is not face down (a position that is not safe) because I can  see her face. I always leave enough light to be able to see her.  We use those lovely salt glow lamps that give off a warming pink glow.  We place it under the bed so it wasn’t too much light.

Some studies, on the other hand, suggest bed sharing puts children at higher risk for sudden infant death syndrome.  An article from the New York Times, lists co-sleeping as the second factor increasing the risk of SIDS after sleeping on the stomach. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) supports this statement.  Despite all the claims, however, the data are not conclusive and some researchers say the risk is higher only if parents smoke, drink too much alcohol and fail to take proper precautions to make sure the bed is safe.

This is a highly politicized issue and and each side claims that they are safer.  There is even legislation waiting to be passed banning people from sleeping with their babies.  The purpose of this article is to remind parents to really make the decision for themselves and really listen to and hear what they feel is right.  It is how you, as a parent,  feel most comfortable and safest for your baby.  Read what you need but follow and trust your instincts because you and only you know yourself and your babies needs best.  So, once you’ve heard all  the viewpoints, think it through and tune into yourself and remember “your sense-your choice.”

Help your child mentally recover from minor injuries

On the playground there can unfortunately be many accidents both big and small.  Often there is no ice or first aid immediately available.  This is a simple first aid visualization one can use to help soothe a child until (you) can get home.  Of course for major injuries call 911 or go to the hospital or call your pediatrician.  This is for minor injuries that require TLC (Tender loving care) and a band aid (aka boo-boo’s and ouchies:)

When there is an accident often for moments long after the actual incident took place, people are coming up to you with concern asking what happened?  Then you are forced along with your child to go over it again and again for them.  This keeps the child returning to that painful or scary incident and not moving forward into the healing.  I have personally observed this and actually heard one dad shout out ‘hey, call a plastic surgeon”.  He was of course using humor to alleviate the situation but it was a little brash for a three year old and her mom.

For an excellent explanation of why we instinctively rub on an injury(not an open wound) see below:

“In 1965 the “Gate Control Theory” was proposed by Melzack and Wall.  It explained the relationship between pain and emotion.  According to this theory, there is a hypothetical gating mechanism occurring at the level of the spinal chord- a “gate” through which pain impulses reach the lateral spinothalmic system.  Painful impulses are transmitted by large-diameter and small diameter nerve fibers.  Stimulation of large-diameter fibers prevents the small-diameter fibers from transmitting signals.  Stimulating (rubbing, massaging) these fibers helps to suppress the sensation of pain, especially sharp pain.  Many parents and small children seem to know this instinctively.  They rub the injured spot, thus activating large-diameter fibers.  These fibers also carry a faster signal.  In essence, massage sensations win the race to the brain, and the pain sensations are blocked out because the gate is closed.” Source:  Mosby’s Fundamentals of Therapeutic Massage by Sandy Fritz

Here’s a technique to use when you want to help your child move past the accident and feel empowered that they are on their way to feeling better.  Explain to them that they have teeny tiny microscopic helpers inside their bodies that are working right now to help them feel better.  Explain ‘microscopic” as so tiny that you can’t see them (it is very cute to hear them pronounce microscopic).  There are thousands even millions of them.  This gives them a positive image to hang on to if they are still replaying the initial injury and pain in their minds over and over.  This constant replaying of the accident can also be a reaction from well meaning people asking what happened and then having to explain it as your child relives “the spill”.  Now they can respond how they have microscopic helpers and feel more empowered.  It also gives them something positive to focus on rather than the accident itself.

Using our imagination to call upon imagery for healing is very powerful.  Remember that this is scientific.  Leukocytes (white blood cells) rush to an injured area to help heal it.  These microscopic helpers are in fact helping us on a consistent basis (unless there is a pathology wherein they are compromised).  In healthy functioning blood they are essential in recovering from injury.  This is a great first Biology lesson and may help them in connecting scientific principles to every day life.  Using this knowledge empowers the child by being able to answer back to concerned adults-”I have microscopic helpers helping me and I am feeling better and better.”  “Better and better” is a phrase used in the Silva Method of Mind Techniques.  This technique is extremely useful in helping to have tools to use our minds in positive and powerful ways.  See website for more info www.silvamethod.com.

Staying in the present moment is useful for anyone recovering from injury and replacing a negative experience with a positive image is very useful in returning to a stronger , more well-functioning place both physically and mentally.

Article for Parents

As new parents, there is this feeling of constant momentum inherent in taking care of a baby.  A feeling of always having to do something:  to prepare something, to do research on something, and of course to clean up something!  This article for parents is helpful in reminding us all to re-charge.  We get so used to going and going, it is often very hard to find discipline in letting ourselves rest and decompress.  Somehow we get addicted to this feeling of constantly moving and we feel we are being more productive if we keep up this momentum but it is not the case.  This last part is true for many people, not only new parents.

So, what can we do?  First make a choice to not run in that impossible race that does not exist.  Remember there is always going to be something else to do.  The house may not look close to perfect for a while and even if it does it will only last a day!   Make a conscious effort to force oneself to do nothing and to rest at times or reconnect to something that rejuvenates you.  Your vitality and good mood are equally and probably more important to the health and well being of your little bean than most of the “Tasks” we need to do.  Burnout is not something that benefits anyone at any time especially not as a new parent.  Please use this article for parents as a reminder.  There is of course true postpartum depression which is not what I’m speaking about.  If there are symptoms of depression seek professional help immediately.

We can start by giving ourselves permission to be still!  To consciously recharge our batteries.  It may be helpful to make a list of things that help with the recharging process.  Examples can be a bath, meditation, a pilates/yoga c.d., and  reading a book.  Think of an activity that helped pre-baby.  There are activities that can discharge our energy for example, watching a lot of t.v. etc.  A favorite t.v. show is one thing but constant numbing in front of it can be very draining.

I began looking at my catalog for massage therapy tools and I saw an eye pillow and it reminded me that it has been over a year since I had used my eye pillow.  It had completely fallen out of my routine.  If something so simple can bring me such relief-why not take 10-15 minutes while my baby is napping and enjoy it?

Learning to get off the constant motion of the mind is a daily and hourly practice.  Making the choice to stay well-balanced rather than being a victim to our monkey minds-swinging from thought to thought is the shift we need to slow down.  We will be more effective in our other endeavors and the moments with our kids.  It seems like such obvious advice doesn’t it?  The pattern of momentum of getting things done is a powerful pattern to overcome however.

Tuning into the body, mind, and emotions really is a lifelong practice and something that is so often overlooked in our society.  We are constantly trying to “keep up”  and seemingly running in that race that is impossible to win.  Once I heard the Dalai Llama say, “The better you take care of yourself, the better you will take care of others.”  This quote always stayed with me and helped me as a health care professional. I often told this quote to mother-clients during treatments.  They always appreciated it and it seems to resonate on a deep human level for us all. There are feelings of guilt inherent in being a mom (parent).  I begin to understand my grandparents and parents much better now.  We really need remember to take the time we need to rejuvenate our bodies and minds.

I write this to remind myself not because I am so good at it, but because we all need reminders.  Having worked for over ten years with clients and seeing the results of constant stress, I do have an awareness of the importance of slowing down and resting or pausing to re-connect.  Many people go and go until they basically collapse into sleep or dull themselves with tv etc.  This is about taking conscious time to be still to recharge and why I felt it necessary to write this article for parents.  For further reading on recharging and re-connecting please see the article, Dynamic Stillness.