Effective Empathy
When someone tells you something they are going through that is difficult, and you feel empathy for them, you may furrow your brow, squint your eyes a bit, sincerely feel something in your heart and say, “I’m so sorry to hear that, let me know if there is anything I can do.” Then you my spend the next few hours or days reflecting about their circumstances. You may share their story with a close friend or family member. This will probably help you feel a bit better about it, having shared your concern. I invite you to try doing one active thing-something that may positively affect their circumstance.
When we go through something challenging we tend to be less objective and more likely to ignore the simple solutions. I know when I get a cold I often completely forget about drinking lots of fluids (which is really helpful) but if someone tells me they are sick I immediately remind them of drinking tea and lots of fluids. So, instead of saying “let me know if there is something I can do” try suggesting one or two specific things you can do. Your friend may not be objective in there situation and it really helps to hear even the simplest of suggestions out loud. Be aware not to lecture them that isn’t what I mean at all-just the basic loving things we all need to hear.
We are not clinicians and we should not diagnose, and the issue is not our issue, but we are connected. Our goal is in being effectively empathetic without becoming enmeshed or overly involved.
Effective Empathy is useful and helps to transcend our issues so we can move into more positive action. Inactive sympathy is inactive and can add to the stagnation of an issue. It also does not empower the recipient.
When my baby was born my husband needed to return to work after about two weeks. I was recovering as well as acclimating to parenthood. It was an intense time. My friend, Amy came over one day and helped me more than I could have imagined. Watching her sprightly bounce around my apartment in good health doing my dishes and my laundry gave me such hope that soon I too will have my life and energy back. She had been through an intense birth as well about a year before, and really understood what I was going through. She turned her empathy into effectiveness and I will always be grateful to her for that.
In Moroccan culture it is said that when you go to see a sick person-your presence itself helps them to heal quicker. It’s true! By being a healing presence to an ill person you are giving them the greatest gift of all-you! So next time you think you’d like to help in some way…gracefully insist on coming over to be with them. Remember many people are very stoic-myself included-when they are sick, so try to get past that. Respect their boundaries of course but don’t underestimate the power of being there for someone in need.
If they are far away, pray or send them healing energy. It seems obvious but how many times do we say, “you’re in my thoughts”…and then move onto something else. It takes time to really send your love and positivity. Pause and do it-it is active. At the end of the day you too will feel good having been effective with your empathy and there’s nothing wrong with that! Feeling effective is one of the best feelings in the world especially if it is in helping another.
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Virtues of slowing down-Video
The creation of the Slow Movement is refreshing. It’s great to hear it told from the perspective of a self-proclaimed recovered “speedster!” In this video, Carl Honore explores the concept of slowness and the many virtues of slowing our pace and connecting with our own inner-tortoise!
Journalist Carl Honore believes the Western world’s emphasis on speed erodes health, productivity and quality of life. But there’s a backlash brewing, as everyday people start putting the brakes on their all-too-modern lives.
source: http://www.ted.com
Categories: Videos Tags: 5-months-post-natal-joint-ache, jaw-pain-from-stress, jaw-pain-from-tension, joint-pain-6-months-after-pregnancy, joints-post-partum, living-with-sciatica, lower-back-pain-8-weeks-post-partum, muscle-and-joint-pain-post-partum, pain-spasm-pain-cycle, postnatal-feet-ache, postpartum-joint-pain, postpartum-pain, sinus-massage, stilettos-damage-to-feet, stress-and-jaw-pain, stress-jaw-pain, tense-shoulders, Videos, why-do-my-knee-joints-hurt-pregnancy-postnatal, why-is-my-center-of-gravity-off
Grief and the loss of a loved one
Grief is a very personal and painful experience. Whatever means we use to find solace in our time of grief is significant and should be valued. I lost my mother to breast cancer at the age of sixteen. It was, as one could imagine a great shock to us all. A friend said to me in a strange consolation “I don’t know how I (meaning herself) would ever get through that kind of grief.” I said in a very stoic way I’m sure, “You just do.” She then repeated my words which evidently struck her…”You just do.”As we drove away from the hospital after my mom passed away in my shock and grief, my greatest fear was that I would forget her: her face, her hands, her voice and eyes. I thought “well, now it’s been an hour since I’ve seen her. Someday it’ll be a year then five years, then ten!” Now, here it is twenty years this past August since I’ve seen her beautiful eyes in person. But here is the great, great thing about feelings, dreams, and yes, even grief. She is with me and I feel her – it may sound cliche or like my own fantasy hope but seriously, there have been several times where I had a dream of her and I woke up and I felt her presence-viscerally. This website is about listening to and honoring your senses and using your intellect to help sort through and deal with challenges we all face. Grief over a loved one is one of the biggest heartaches in our collective human experience.
I have tried to remove myself, to comprehend, even to get over this event but I know now that it is impossible. I’ve surrendered to that because it shapes every moment of your life after something like that happens. You no longer see people and the world in the same way. I really understand how fragile and impermanent this all is because I witnessed it first hand. My perception of time changed too. Most teenagers have an invincibility attached to their behavior-that was never a part of my viewpoint of the world.
A lot of stages in my life have been affected. Simple events many people take for granted like shopping for clothes with mom, graduations, marriage all had to be done with a great deal of autonomy. Questions like how can I bring someone else through childhood, there exists a deep seeded fear of doing this to someone else. That fear comes out of living with a strong thread tied to my original grief.
I love her artwork, it is somewhat Japanese meets Art Nouveau in style. There are so many canvases, they are so incredible and I don’t know what to do with them all. It’s a great task, they’re haunting me-they’re huge and amazing. That was her greatest gift to me was teaching me her attitude toward painting. There was never a mistake-you could fix any line or color that you felt was out of place and it can evolve into something else!
Now, my point about all this is that despite my terrible fear of forgetting her features, her voice and her presence that strange day, it never came true. I will never forget her-it’s simply impossible. I remember everything. I close my eyes and I see her eyes, beautiful smoky-green. I even remember how her energy felt like little bubbles, and I trust it. It is as real to me as anything.
We are in deed able to maintain our connection to ones we lose. We never forget a loved one. They are part of us, and even when we think of them and cry, it is a gift of memory. My friend was wrong, you never really “get through that kind of grief.” That would be unnatural in my experience. You need to cope in life of course, but to pretend that it has no lasting effect is not accurate. So, however you find solace in your time of loss and grief, embrace it.
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How to Keep Your Spirit up in a Recession
The current financial crisis has been very devastating to many people. Most of us are seeking ways to tighten our budget even if we have not been directly effected by the current recession. We are all planning for hard times. This can be a cue to simplify our lifestyle, to get in touch with our spiritual center and to let go of attachment to material connections. This, however, does not mean we cannot enjoy ourselves. Reconnecting with life’s simple pleasures can be of greater reward than material splurges. One can achieve this balance by using what I call the seven senses: seeing, touching, hearing, smelling, tasting, breathing and laughing.
A lot of this you may do anyway, but when it is done consciously and with an intention it can lead into an actual shift in your mood. A heightened awareness. This is about taking control of your mood and circumstance. The old saying “money can’t buy happiness” is true. Sometimes it takes a simplification of one’s life to “own” one’s state of being.
1. Seeing- The visual sense is used in Color Therapy. Each color has a vibration it can give off to help our mood. For the cost of a few gallons of paint, you can brighten your living space using warm colors – such as paprika, aqua or apple green to impart a feeling of coziness in a room. A museum is a great place to stimulate your visual sense through the incredible use of color and light. This will help lift your spirit and improve your overall mood.
2 Touching- Nothing feels more comforting than a warm, loving touch. Massage, hugs, dance and exercise are vital ways with which to stay happy and connected. Even petting your cat or dog has been documented to reduce stress.
3. Hearing- Music is known for its miraculous ability to better our mood. From Arias to Zytego, music soothes the savage beast within us all. So, don’t forget to reconnect with your favorite music.
4.Tasting- Cooking for someone you love is one of life’s simplest and often forgotten pleasures! Certain foods have joyful properties such as fruits and of course, chocolate in moderation.
5. Smelling-Aromatherapy is a fantastic healing option. The scents available are so intoxicating! Jasmine, Bergamot and Geranium are very romantic and uplifting. for more on the healing qualities of aromatherapy, read A Simple Guide to Aromatherapy.
6. Breathing- though not an actual sense, is a great way to enjoy whatever you are doing. Correct deep breathing helps stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, bringing the body back to a resting state. Many forms of meditation are based on the way we breathe.
7. A sense of humor-the seventh sense! What can make you feel better than true, unbridled laughter? Laughter is known to reduce the level of stress hormones like Cortisol, Epinephrine and Dopamine . It also increases the level of healthy hormones such as endorphins. Consciously spend time with people who really make you laugh and share in your sense of humor!
It doesn’t take a lot of money to feel more positive and uplifted. Try getting in touch with the simpler pleasures in life and see how much more centered and gratified it can make you feel. Simplicity is a necessary luxury and feeding our souls is the most nourishing action we can take in troubled and chaotic times.
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