Posts Tagged ‘stress-in-jaw’

Effective Empathy

When someone tells you something they are going through that is difficult, and you feel empathy for them, you may furrow your brow, squint your eyes a bit, sincerely feel something in your heart and say, “I’m so sorry to hear that, let me know if there is anything I can do.” Then you my spend the next few hours or days reflecting about their circumstances. You may share their story with a close friend or family member. This will probably help you feel a bit better about it, having shared your concern. I invite you to try doing one active thing-something that may positively affect their circumstance.

When we go through something challenging we tend to be less objective and more likely to ignore the simple solutions. I know when I get a cold I often completely forget about drinking lots of fluids (which is really helpful) but if someone tells me they are sick I immediately remind them of drinking tea and lots of fluids. So, instead of saying “let me know if there is something I can do” try suggesting one or two specific things you can do. Your friend may not be objective in there situation and it really helps to hear even the simplest of suggestions out loud. Be aware not to lecture them that isn’t what I mean at all-just the basic loving things we all need to hear.

We are not clinicians and we should not diagnose, and the issue is not our issue, but we are connected. Our goal is in being effectively empathetic without becoming enmeshed or overly involved.

Effective Empathy is useful and helps to transcend our issues so we can move into more positive action. Inactive sympathy is inactive and can add to the stagnation of an issue. It also does not empower the recipient.

When my baby was born my husband needed to return to work after about two weeks. I was recovering as well as acclimating to parenthood. It was an intense time. My friend, Amy came over one day and helped me more than I could have imagined. Watching her sprightly bounce around my apartment in good health doing my dishes and my laundry gave me such hope that soon I too will have my life and energy back. She had been through an intense birth as well about a year before, and really understood what I was going through. She turned her empathy into effectiveness and I will always be grateful to her for that.

In Moroccan culture it is said that when you go to see a sick person-your presence itself helps them to heal quicker. It’s true! By being a healing presence to an ill person you are giving them the greatest gift of all-you! So next time you think you’d like to help in some way…gracefully insist on coming over to be with them. Remember many people are very stoic-myself included-when they are sick, so try to get past that. Respect their boundaries of course but don’t underestimate the power of being there for someone in need.

If they are far away, pray or send them healing energy. It seems obvious but how many times do we say, “you’re in my thoughts”…and then move onto something else. It takes time to really send your love and positivity. Pause and do it-it is active. At the end of the day you too will feel good having been effective with your empathy and there’s nothing wrong with that! Feeling effective is one of the best feelings in the world especially if it is in helping another.

Co-sleeping and making the right decision

Nothing brings up more controversial feelings and debate in parenting than the topic of how we sleep with our baby.  As a friend of mine puts it, “it is the lightening rod topic.”  What I find so incredible about this subject and many things about parenting in general is how invasive people can be when discussing it.  Maybe it stems from some deep-seeded tribal wisdom or consciousness that we are not attached to anymore.  A way of protecting the young.   The amount of advice offered so freely is amazing and can make even the most outspoken person’s head spin!

There have been many great and well informed articles written on the whole topic of co-sleeping and I encourage you to read the experts’ perspective on each side.  Listen and notice how you feel while you are reading their words and make a sensible choice for yourself.  This is important before you disclose your decision to relatives or even close friends so you know how you feel about it.  It is always helpful to have some expert advice backing you up when dealing with others’ opinions on what you should be doing with your child.

Once you give yourself permission to do what you feel is best, be strong in your convictions.  Try to be flexible when you need to be, of course, because  there are no absolutes.  Each family, parent and child are so different.  Remember we are individuals in a collective experience.

Many people like and swear by the Ferber method and other “Cry it out” methods.  I have a friend whose son cried once or twice while she was trying the Ferber Method and since then she simply puts him in his bed and he falls asleep on his own.  Each system must have its own merit otherwise why would they be around and used by so many different people?  A pediatrician I know uses what she calls a “modified” Ferber method in which she uses some of his techniques, but not all.  It seems reasonable to custom tailor a method to fit your and your child’s needs.  It’s a personal choice and should remain so.

In most of the world, however, co-sleeping is the norm.  There are statistics that show how there is very little colic in babies outside the western culture.  Co-sleeping also helps to support prolonged breastfeeding.  The World Health Organization recommends breast-feeding for the first two years of life.  I notice that my baby opens her eyes to see if I am there then falls back asleep.  Babies know instinctively that  they are vulnerable and they must feel safer when we are present.  Feeling safe helps them sleep better, and as a result we sleep better.  When we are pregnant, especially the last month we wake up constantly to go to the bathroom.  Perhaps this is nature’s way of training us to be aware when we are asleep!  This trains us to wake up constantly to tend to our newborn.

Personally, I get better sleep because I know the temperature in the room and I know she is not face down (a position that is not safe) because I can  see her face. I always leave enough light to be able to see her.  We use those lovely salt glow lamps that give off a warming pink glow.  We place it under the bed so it wasn’t too much light.

Some studies, on the other hand, suggest bed sharing puts children at higher risk for sudden infant death syndrome.  An article from the New York Times, lists co-sleeping as the second factor increasing the risk of SIDS after sleeping on the stomach. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) supports this statement.  Despite all the claims, however, the data are not conclusive and some researchers say the risk is higher only if parents smoke, drink too much alcohol and fail to take proper precautions to make sure the bed is safe.

This is a highly politicized issue and and each side claims that they are safer.  There is even legislation waiting to be passed banning people from sleeping with their babies.  The purpose of this article is to remind parents to really make the decision for themselves and really listen to and hear what they feel is right.  It is how you, as a parent,  feel most comfortable and safest for your baby.  Read what you need but follow and trust your instincts because you and only you know yourself and your babies needs best.  So, once you’ve heard all  the viewpoints, think it through and tune into yourself and remember “your sense-your choice.”

Computer eye strain exercises

In this new age of computer screens and Blackberries, our eyes are forced to undergo a whole new adaptation to decipher and process digital information. The nature of computer screens themselves present a vision challenge. Computer images are not solid characters since they’re made up of pixels, which makes focusing on them difficult for the human eye.

Here are two exercises that can help relieve tired, sedentary or strained eyes. There are six external muscles of the eyes. They are: Superior, Inferior, Medial and Lateral Rectus, and the Superior and Inferior Oblique muscles. Just as we need to stretch our hamstrings or our gastric muscles, it is equally important and worthwhile to stretch our eye muscles. It feels good too. You will probably want to do this one alone or with people that know you really well-since you might look pretty crazy while doing it!

Procedure one: Counterbalancing eye strain for the external muscles of the eye:

Imagine a large clock in front of you. Look up to the TWELVE. Now down to the SIX. Do this movement three times slowly. Now look to the THREE and then over to NINE. Repeat three times slowly. Next, do ONE and SEVEN. Three times slowly. Now, ELEVEN and FIVE. Yes, three times slowly. TWO and EIGHT. Three times slowly. Lastly, do TEN and FOUR. Three times slowly. When you have completed the whole cycle move your eyes in a clockwise circle three times slowly and then counterclockwise three times. Now, rub your hands together fast to warm them up and cup them gently over your eyelids.

Notice the interesting sensation when you do the diagonal movements. These muscles are not used as often(unless you are a frequent eye-roller:-) and its good to activate and get circulation to these areas of the eyes. You may notice more of your periphery (side vision) as this is a good way to enhance it.

Procedure two: Counterbalancing eye strain for the internal muscle (the Ciliary) which controls near and far vision.

The constant close proximity to our computer screens does not give our eyes the chance to use the long distance focus as often as we probably should. Get outside and look at a far distant point and give this muscle a chance to shift into far focus.

This heightening and care of your senses leads to a more tactile awareness overall. Our eyes receive and are at times even bombarded with so many images. These exercises should help in giving them some much needed relief. As with all of these exercises they are meant to promote good health. Please see your eye doctor for regular checkups and any issues.